Yet, despite my spawn's resemblance to one of the most beloved symbols of the innocence of Christmas, Momma's more Grinch than she is a Who.Ever since I can remember, I didn't believe in Santa. Family legend has it that I informed my preschool class, you know at age 4, that there was no such thing as Santa. I'm not even sure where I got that from; my parents certainly weren't telling me not to believe. I'm pretty sure my sister, a mere year and a half my senior, still believed. Maybe an older cousin or something.
I still loved Christmas though-- not believing in Santa didn't mean that I was some hollowed-eyed, black-clad Satan worshiper from age 4. I loved our family holiday traditions. My mother is Swedish, and we had a seriously altered St. Lucia Day tradition that we celebrate on Christmas morning: my sister served everyone cinnamon rolls in bed. I loved Christmas Eve candle light church services, carols, luminaries. I didn't anticipate the sound of hooves on my roof, but our family traditions marked the holidays as a very special time of year.
There's a lot of discussion in the mom listserv world this time of year about how to talk about Santa with your kids. Here's how it seems to play out: One person expresses doubt about buying into the Santa shabang because they don't like lying to their kids, and 15 people say that you're robbing your child of all that is precious and fleeting if you don't teach them that some dude is going to break into your house and leave you presents.
That shit is uncanny.I don't know. I can't do it. I can't teach my daughter to believe in something that I just never did for as long as I can remember. I want to find a way of giving her the option to believe if she wants to, without preaching to her that Santa is Fact. That just doesn't feel true to me. I don't want to rob her of some quintessential childhood experience, but at the same time, I don't believe that kids born into families of different faith backgrounds are missing an essential part of childhood. So why do I doubt a decision to skip Santa so? Shouldn't I just own it?
I guess the rub is that we're not religious. So what exactly are we celebrating, and why? I'm definitely not going to skip Christmas entirely, but what does it mean for a family that doesn't celebrate the religious OR secular components of the holiday? This post stopped being fun, didn't it.
So are we the worst parents ever or what?
A tough point. I'm taking your question as rhetorical. Our kids here didn't miss much with Christmas, it's not like you can get away from it, even if you don't give it one tiny speck of attention. Grandparents took care of that.
ReplyDeleteStill, long after MJ grows to start her very own personal consciousness/awareness blitzkrief on the culture that grew her, you know, like we did, she'll be grounded in the model of parents who were conscious about what they created their family traditions with. What ideas, belief systems, etc. I think that's worth a lot. Perhaps she'll already be part of an evolving culture.
One question I have about this is, though, is working with a small child who may feel alienated once they find out that they don't do it like everyone else does. Following my own fear thoughts, I find that more often than not, we all find out that "everyone does it differently." You'll have yet another opportunity to work with her on holding her own in a sea of people all clammoring to find where they belong--I mean, it's our nature, we're social animals. Perhaps she'll find out early, through your example, that she already belongs, perhaps she'll know that deep inside of her, that no matter what's going on, no matter how she does what, she belongs. I think knowing yourself and living your truth is the way to knowing that, and you're showing her how to do just that.
So bring out the Cinnamon Buns in bed, and watch out for anyone in an orange shirt with their fists on their hips. It's Christmas time at Stilljes'.
We just tell our little guy that we can pretend Santa comes and brings us stuff if he wants to, but he knows Santa is pretend. He goes with it, doesn't ruin other kids' strongly held beliefs, can still talk about Santa and enjoy the tradition, and I don't have to feel like a liar.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAH I love the photos. Also, the words. But mostly the photos. :)
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